Navigating the modern dating landscape has become increasingly challenging, with many people experiencing heightened stress and dissatisfaction. Studies have shown that overall happiness and life satisfaction have declined, particularly among young people, since the rise of smartphones and social media. Dating apps are a small (but mighty) part of that correlation. The pressure to constantly be available, maintain an online presence, and keep up with dating apps can take a significant toll on our mental wellbeing.
The proliferation of dating apps has undeniably changed how we seek romantic connections. While they provide convenience and access to a vast pool of potential partners, they also introduce new stressors. In fact, some research suggests that users of swipe-based dating apps report higher levels of depression, anxiety, and emotional distress compared to non-users.
The gamified nature of these apps can make dating feel more like a never-ending cycle of validation-seeking rather than a genuine attempt to connect. Many academics and journalists in the dating space have pointed out that this creates selfish dating behaviour, in what author and academic Bell Hooks describes in All About Love as “me culture,” wherein people see connection as being all about them and their needs solely.
Often, daters are tempted to dip out. And who can blame them? But society continuously reinforces the idea that finding a romantic partner is a milestone everyone should strive for, urging individuals to “get out there” and persistently seek “the one.” For some people, this is a genuine personal desire, too. In fact, half of singles still want to find their life partner. Since most relationships begin on dating apps now, how can we use them in a healthy way? A way that doesn’t feel like relentless pressure and overwhelm?
Set boundaries and manage expectations
The pressure from online dating can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and burnout, especially when you’re not seeing the connections you expected. It’s vital to recognise that taking breaks from dating is not only acceptable but necessary for mental wellbeing. If dating starts to feel like an obligation or a chore, rather than something enjoyable, stepping back and focusing on self-care can be the healthiest decision.
When starting out, setting clear intentions about what you want from online dating can make a huge difference. Are you looking for something casual, serious, or just open to meeting new people? Establishing your goals helps manage expectations and reduces frustration.
Anna Hint, a dating expert at the Pure app, encourages people to avoid feeling pressured to be constantly available. She explains, “You have to do things at your own pace. Especially if you feel overwhelmed, take your time, put yourself first. Just because we have our phones with us 24/7, this doesn’t make us available all the time, nor should we feel pressured about this.” Dating should never feel like a job, where you’re racing to respond to every message or keeping up with constant notifications.
Research from dating app Bumble, shared with Mashable over email, highlights the trend of “slow-dating,” where singles are more considerate about how much they date, prioritising quality over quantity. Almost one in three (31 percent) singles are now practicing slow-dating, particularly women, with 36 percent seeking partners who value time and self-care. This shift shows that many people are recognising the mental health implications of excessive swiping and are choosing a more mindful approach.
Limit time spent on apps
While dating apps offer excitement, it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of endless swiping and chatting. Before you know it, hours have passed, and it starts to feel draining. Technology can be a double-edged sword — it offers convenience but also fuels compulsive behaviours that may negatively impact mental health.
Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationships expert at Lovehoney, advises setting limits. “If you find yourself constantly checking the app, feeling distracted by it when you’re trying to focus on work, hobbies, or socialising in real life, that’s a sign you might be spending too much time on it.”
Using smartphone tools to track and limit app usage can be a helpful way to maintain a healthy balance. Too much time spent swiping can lead to burnout or feelings of inadequacy, especially when comparing yourself to other users. Limiting your app time can protect your mental health by preventing dating apps from taking over your day-to-day life.
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Know when to take a break
Recognising when dating apps are affecting your mental well-being is crucial. If you notice yourself feeling emotionally exhausted, experiencing increased anxiety, or relying on external validation from matches, it may be time to take a step back.
Hint says, “If you feel like you are way too dependent on external approval, likes, and constant compliments… maybe it’s time to take a break and actually focus on yourself.”
Taking a break isn’t about giving up — it’s about preserving your mental wellbeing. If swiping feels like an obligation rather than something enjoyable, deactivate your profile and focus on self-care. Spend time with friends, take up hobbies, or get outdoors. Remember, dating should be fun, not a source of anxiety.
For those with a pre-existing mental health condition, understanding when to take a break from the dating apps is even more crucial. One survey found that nearly half of individuals with existing mood disorders experienced worsening depression due to online dating. However, some research shows that those with mental health conditions can also alleviate symptoms through online dating, as they’re getting themselves out there, expanding their network, and interacting with people. With something as complex as mental health conditions, it’s hard to say what the impact of dating apps will be, as we all experience mental health so differently.
This does mean that extra caution should be taken with dating apps for those with diagnosed mental health conditions, though. Consulting a medical professional about how their condition might uniquely impact dating and identifying red flags can be crucial for emotional safety.
If you do have a mental health condition, taking breaks can be even more essential. Certain symptoms, such as sensitivity to rejection or difficulty managing emotions, can be exacerbated by the unpredictability of dating apps. Seeking guidance from a therapist or mental health professional about how to navigate dating in a way that protects your mental health can be incredibly beneficial.
How to handle rejection
With any quest for love — on or offline — disappointment is going to be part of the journey. It shouldn’t knock your confidence, though. As Knight points out, “Rejection is part of the dating app experience, but it doesn’t define your worth. Not every match is meant to be. It’s not personal, just part of the process.”
Rather than viewing rejection as a reflection of your value, consider it a step closer to finding someone who’s the right fit. If you’re feeling down, take a break and reconnect with activities that make you feel good about yourself. It’s essential to lean on your support network during tough times. Sharing your experiences with friends or loved ones can help keep your emotions in perspective, and they’ll remind you that your worth is not tied to app outcomes.
Create a positive experience
While dating apps can expose us to judgment, criticism, and negative interactions, there are ways to create a more positive experience. Curating your matches by reading profiles carefully and only engaging with people who genuinely interest you can lead to more meaningful connections. Hint says, “Don’t take things too seriously before you even meet in person… It’s crucial to understand that your value should not be measured by what someone online says about you.”
If something feels off or a conversation turns sour, don’t hesitate to cut it off. Most dating apps provide tools to block or report users who engage in inappropriate or harmful behaviour. Protecting your mental health means maintaining control over who you interact with.
It’s easy to present an idealised version of yourself online, but maintaining authenticity can help you form real connections and reduce anxiety. Knight explains that keeping realistic expectations can make the whole experience more enjoyable. “Go in with an open mind and focus on getting to know someone without putting too much pressure on the outcome. Remember that real connections take time,” she advises.
Trying to maintain a facade can be stressful, and being yourself is key to fostering genuine relationships. Keep in mind that dating apps are just one way to meet people. They’re not the only way. Engaging in other social activities can alleviate the pressure and make dating apps a fun part of a broader social life.
Your mental health is the most important thing to take care of during online dating. Bumble found that one in four (29 percent) UK singles are now actively avoiding people who treat dating like a checklist exercise, opting for more mindful, considerate connections. To protect your own wellbeing, make time for hobbies, exercise, and spending time with loved ones—things that give you joy outside of dating.
As Hint puts it, “To have a healthy relationship with dating, we need to have a healthy relationship with ourselves and who we are.”
